by Tania Basheer, Publisher

10 Tips for Better Communication

Vol . 3, Issue 3
27 Mar 2007
  In This Issue:
Living the dream is published by Tania Basheer, Blue Sky Coaching on the 27th of every month.

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  Welcome Quote of the Month

Welcome to Living the dream, my monthly e-zine written to inform, inspire and invite you to take action and start living your dream.

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Unless what you say benefits the other person, don't say it.

- Denis Waitley, author and professional speaker

  Hi! From Tania

Hi Reader,

Have you been lucky enough to be in Adelaide this month and see anything at The Fringe?

We wanted to see RocKwiz, but I found out it was cancelled when I went to book tickets. Ditto for Arj Barker. So sadly, I've missed out on The Fringe this year.

Rick is going to see Ross Noble with his friend Hendo tonight, while Jake and I are going to a cocktail party at my mum's nursing home. Not that I'm unhappy about that. I saw Ross Noble with Rick and Hendo last year and, not sure if it was because I was pregnant at the time, but the highlight of the show for me was when he'd finished. I couldn't wait to get out of there and see the back of him and his imaginary bus that he went on and on about for most of the show!

Must go now and make a banana cake for mum's party. I think I'll make one for us too, while I'm at it. Very yummy!

Warm wishes,


Tania Basheer - Publisher
Living the dream e-zine

  Feature: 10 Tips for Better Communication

Brian Tracy, US peak performance and sales expert, says that our ability to communicate with others accounts for 85% of our success. Even people in technical fields, such as IT, engineering or accounting, spend 75% of their time interacting with other people. He goes on to say that all the top executives who've been interviewed have said that their ability to communicate well with others is more responsible for their success than anything else.

The good news is, communication is a learned skill. We can all get better and better at it by learning what great communicators do and practising and practising these skills until they become a part of our repertoire.

If you'd like to become a better communicator, here are 10 things Brian Tracy suggests you need to know and do:     

  • The three parts to any conversation: According to Aristotle, the first part of a conversation is 'ethos'.  'Ethos' has to do with the character of a person. Emerson said, 'What you are shouts at me so loudly, I can't hear a word you're saying.' Character determines credibility and believability. A person with high character, like Mother Teresa, can say very little, yet be enormously influential. 'Pathos' is the second part of a conversation and means connecting with emotions. We do this when we tune in and focus on the person we're communicating with and their problems and needs. The third part is 'logos' which is the factual part of the conversation and is often the least important part. Until you have established character and connected with the emotions of the other person, the words you say are really not relevant. 
  • The three elements of any conversation: Albert Marabian, a social sciences professor from UCLA, says words only account for 7% of the message in any conversation. The tone of voice accounts for 38%, whilst body language accounts for 55% of our communication. The rule is, people believe the dominant mesage that comes from our body language and tone of voice. The very best messages are those that are synchronised - the words, tone of voice and body language are all synchronised to the message. This is why it's very important that when someone talks to you, you face them directly, listen closely to what they're saying and nod and pay attention. When you talk to small children, get down to their eye level. It's so immensely different for a child.  
  • The four basic personality styles: Personality styles can be divided into four quadrants based on two spectrums. The first spectrum is indirect communicators versus direct communicators, and the second is people-orientation versus task-orientation types. The first personality style includes people who are high on people orientation and are indirect communicators and described as relators or supporters. They're sympathetic and accommodating, quiet, self-contained, not expressive, very sensitive, very concerned about other people's opinions and, in the extreme, can be hypersensitive to the opinions of others. If you're communicating with this person, they require a slow, low key, friendly, warm approach. Be patient with and don't push these people into making decisions - they need a lot of contemplation time. Their primary concern in life is, 'let's get along; let's all be friends.' They're really pained if there is any kind of friction among people. The second type of person is also an indirect communicator, but very task oriented rather than people oriented and often described as an analyser or administrator. They are precise and reserved. Their primary concern is 'let's be accurate'. At the extreme, these people can be uncommunicative and very meticulous and picky about every detail. These people often gravitate to fields of work such as IT, engineering or accounting, where facts or numbers are concerned and there are problems to solve that don't talk back! The third type is often referred to as the director or the driver.  They are outgoing, direct communicators and task oriented. They are impatient, make quick decisions and they don't need a lot of detail - they're the ones that read the summaries of the summaries - and their concern is 'let's get results.' In the extreme, they are dictators, angry, directive, short-tempered and have no patience at all. Don't waste time with this person, get to the point fast. And the fourth type is the socialiser, also known as the promoter or executive. These people are outgoing, direct and very people oriented. Their primary motivation is achievement with and through other people. They're very integrated because they have both a strong focus on people as well as on getting things done. We are all in one, or a combination of, these quadrants. The mistake many people make is that they treat everyone they meet as though everyone one else is the same way they are. However, no matter what personality style you are, over 50% of the people you meet are something else! By the way, whatever style you are, the person you are most ideal for, whether it be a business or life partner, will be the opposite to you. Nature demands balance in temperament and that the opposite person in your relationship be temperamentally balanced with you. If you'd like to learn more about your personality style, I'd be happy to help you. I use a tool with my clients called MyProfile to do this. For the record, my personality style is a combination of the last two and Rick's is a combination of the first two. Interesting!       
  • Ask powerful questions: One of the keys to good communication is that you ask powerful questions and listen carefully to the answers. Ask open-ended questions starting with pronouns, like 'what', 'when', 'who', 'how' and 'why' - that can't be answered with a 'yes' or 'no', to open up dialogue. Ask closed questions, to bring a conversation to a close. These questions will start with a verb, like 'are', 'is' or 'have'. Finally, use preference questions to give a person a choice. People love having choices, so ask them, 'Which would you prefer? This or that?' 'Which of these would be better for you?' Giving people choices makes it much easier for them to make decisions, because people don't like to have only one option. 
  • Aim for a balanced dialogue: This means not monopolising a conversation. The very best conversations are those that have an ebb and a flow like the tide, back and forth. 
  • Acknowledge and agree: In good conversations, people acknowledge and agree twice as often. Good conversationalists are active conversationalists. They're present and engaging, not sitting there passively like a fence post.  
  • Engage in active listening: This is very important for good relationships. Put down the paper or magazine, turn off the TV and really be there the whole time.
  • Seek to understand first, then to be understood: Some people are shy. One way to overcome this is by tuning in to the other person, asking them questions and then listening. Don't be preoccupied about what the other person is thinking about you. Instead, focus on encouraging them to talk about themselves. The more other people are talking about themself, the more they'll like you and feel understood.   
  • Build trust: Listening builds trust, the foundation of all good relationships. The more you listen, the more a person will trust you. The more a person trusts you, the more they will like you. Also, pause before replying. When you pause before replying, it raises the self-esteem of the other person because it tells them that you are carefully considering what they've said as well as your reply, rather than just jumping in.  
  • Question for clarification: Always ask, 'That's interesting. How do you mean, exactly?' Then practise listening to their answer and feeding it back, paraphrasing it in your own words. When you can paraphrase what a person has said to you, it proves to them that you were really listening and will make them feel truly understood.

For more coaching tips and strategies to help you achieve your goals and create and live the life you've always wanted, as well as information on one-to-one and group coaching to help you get there, visit or contact Tania by email on or by phone on (08) 8338 3134 or 0411 471 941.

  How to Get to Know Yourself and Your Team

Would you like to have access to a low cost, highly effective and very simple-to-use tool that will help you understand yourself and, for businesses owners or managers, your team?

A few years ago I discovered an Australian software product called MyProfile. I've used it with almost all my one-to-one coaching clients for the past five years, with wonderful feedback. My clients say it has really helped them understand and communicate better in all of their relationships. And, as a coach, it helps me to understand and optimally communicate with my clients. 

Please let me know if you're interested in learning about your personality style or those of your team members. I'd be delighted to help you do this with MyProfile.

With the use of MyProfile, I've helped my business owner clients to improve teamwork and facilitate better communication within their workplace. I highly recommend it, especially for businesses that are restructuring, assigning new roles and reponsibilities to staff members, or are in the process of succession planning

And of course, if you're hiring new staff, it's a must to ensure that you choose the right person, right from the start! It can also be used to help write employment ads that ensure that you attract the right kind of applicants.

MyProfile is a great tool too for anyone contemplating a 'sea change' or a career change, as it can be used to identify areas of work that are good matches for you, based on your personality style.

Call me on 0411 471 941 or (08) 8338 3134 to discuss how I might be able to assist you with MyProfile and I'd be happy to forward you copies of some sample profile reports for your review.

  Easter Special Competition

ENTER TODAY - over $150 value! Winner's name will be drawn on Good Friday.

Simply click on the competition image to enter for your chance to WIN a copy of The Total Energy Tapping Workshop DVD Package, including:

  • DVD
  • Downloadable workbook
  • Full-colour workbook in hard cover folder

plus a 60-minute consultation (in person or by telephone) with me.

For more information about energy tapping visit:

  Dissolve Negative Thoughts and Feelings with EFT!

Be successful in all areas of your life!

Learn a powerful, simple technique that you can use anytime to dissolve your negative emotions, thoughts or behaviours in just minutes!

Visit to find out how, or call me on (08) 8338 3134 or 0411 471 941 to arrange a one-to-one session with me, in person or by telephone.

  Next Month: 10 Tips for Successful Public Speaking

According to The book of lists, the fear of public speaking is the number one fear in the world! I personally overcame my fear of public speaking with energy tapping and have helped many of my clients to do so too.

So I thought, while we're working on improving our communication skills, let's take the plunge next month and learn how to become successful at public speaking.

  Can I Help You Achieve Your Goals and Dreams?

Reader, do you have any special business or personal goals you'd like to achieve this year?

I'm now available for one-to-one coaching and E.F.T. sessions on Mondays and Wednesdays between 10 am and 7 pm, or Saturday mornings between 10 am and 12 noon.

If you think I might be able to assist you, please give me a call on Adelaide (08) 8338 3134 or 0411 471 941. In person and telephone consultations available. 

Remember, if you refer a friend in the month of March - there are still a few days left! - your friend will receive $50-off their first coaching session and you'll receive a $50 Myer gift certificate as a token of my appreciation for your referral.

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To find out more about advertising in this e-zine and to reserve your spot for next month, e-mail Tania your details today at and include 'e-zine ad' in the subject line.

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