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Living the dream is published on the 27th of every month by Tania Basheer of Blue Sky Coaching.
by Tania Basheer, Publisher

10 Tips for Successful Conflict Resolution

Vol 6, Issue 12
27 December 2010

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Quote of the month

'It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see.' 

- Thoreau

Next month's feature:

10 Ways to Strengthen Your Relationships

In this issue:


Welcome to Living the dream, Blue Sky Coaching's monthly e-zine, written for small business owners, young entrepreneurs and service industry professionals and filled with cutting edge success tips to help you skyrocket your income, enjoy more personal time and be known as a star in your field. 

If you enjoy receiving Living the dream e-zine, please pass it on to anyone else you think might like to receive it too. Every 50th subscriber will receive a $50 Myer gift card and so will you, if you were responsible for referring them.

You can read all previous issues of Living the dream e-zine any time at: www.blueskycoaching.com.au/ezine.

Hi! from Tania

Hi there,

The holidays are a wonderful time for celebration, rest and relaxation. We're looking forward to getting away to Victor Harbor for a few days next week and catching up with some good friends.

On the other hand, the holidays can also be a time we might need to see more of some people we don't see eye to eye with. So, this month I'm sharing some conflict resolution strategies which I hope will be useful, if the need arises.

Holly met Santa for the first time this Christmas and I've included our best attempt at a picture with him! The kids both, at least, had a good time while waiting their turn, playing in the Magic Cave.

I hope you have an enjoyable New Year's Eve, wherever you spend it and wonderful 2011!

Warm wishes,


Tania Basheer - Publisher
Living the dream e-zine

Feature: 10 Tips for Successful Conflict Resolution

Feature: 10 Tips for Successful Conflict Resolution

From time to time, conflict can arise. If it does, we can choose to allow it to become a source of stress, drawn-out battles, long-term friction and ruptured relationships or we can choose to work collaboratively to resolve problems openly and honestly, in a way that satisfies all parties.

If you'd like to take the latter, more positive approach, here are 10 tips (from a total of 19!) Chris Kole refers to as ingredients for successful conflict resolution, in her book Crystal Clear Communication:

  1. Mutual respect: When we respect ourselves, we naturally want to solve any problems or difficulties we run into and we make sure the solution meets our own wants and needs. Respecting the other person will encourage us to make sure that the solution meets their wants and needs too and leads to win-win solutions.
  2. Look for the common ground: Rarely do two people have entirely opposing views with absolutely nothing in common. If we look hard enough, we're bound to find points of agreement or shared goals on which to build. This subtly shifts us from being 'opponents' to being on the 'same side.'   
  3. Redefine the problem or point of disagreement if necessary: If you absolutely can't find anything to agree on, try a fresh approach. Step back and see the dispute from the bigger picture, step in closer and see the details or 'step to one side' to view the predicament from a different angle.The more we keep 'moving around the problem' to explore it, and view it from all angles and perspectives, the more likely we are to increase our understanding of it and find an answer.
  4. Start with a goal acceptable to all parties - then work backwards: What is the end result both parties want? Forget win-lose. That's for sports. Conflict is not a sport. 
  5. Focus on your goals: Staying focused on our points of disagreement will only keep us there. We need to focus on how to attain the goals we both share to find paths around the problem.
  6. Create options: Are you searching for the 'one best answer?' The reality is, there are probably several workable options. The only decision is 'which will work best for us?' When we agree on crystal clear goals and crystal clear expectations, this gives us something to assess our options against. 
  7. Keep an open mind: Rigid thinking, 'wearing blinkers' and holding on to preconceived ideas all destroy attempts at conflict resolution. They lead to treating a problem in terms of competing solutions, or in terms of 'only one possible solution - mine.' The more open-mindedly we explore a problem and search for alternative solutions, the more we increase our chances of finding a way out of conflict. A flexible approach allows us to hear views, other than our own, and to explore a variety of options.
  8. Be positive, not negative:  Behaviour breeds behaviour. Negativity is catching and a negative approach is depressing and destructive. A positive approach is catching, too. It's uplifting and encouraging. Shifting our thinking and our words from negative to positive might require some thought, but the results are well worth the effort. Before you disagree, outline your reasoning and finish up with something like: 'And that's why I look at it differently,' or summarise your understanding of the other person's views, then say 'And here's how I see it...'  
  9. Get 'on the same side': It's easy to argue with someone sitting opposite us and difficult to argue with someone sitting next to us, which encourages an attitude of cooperation and allows a collaborative mindset to surface - 'You and I are working together on a shared problem.' It might be subtle, but it's effective. Problems are usually best discussed sitting down, since body language can more easily become aggressive and intimidating, or be interpreted that way, when we're standing.  
  10. Work together to solve the problem: We're more committed to the success of a path that we've had a part in planning and that meets at least some of our needs. If we share information, pool ideas, discuss our needs, wants and worries, and search for a solution that meets as many of them as possible, we'll increase our commitment to a solution and our understanding of each other at the same time.  

Related tips: 10 Tips for better communication10 tips for talking and listening to each other and 10 relationship skills for the almost perfect marriage.

For more business and life coaching tips to help you achieve your goals and create and live the life you've always wanted, visit: www.blueskycoaching.com.au/ezine/index.php. To find out more about how you can work with me personally, visit: www.blueskycoaching.com.au, or call me on 0411 471 941 or (08) 8338 3134 or e-mail me on tania@blueskycoaching.com.au.

Congratulations Subscriber Number 600!

Congratulations to Kath Larwood on being subscriber number 600 and to Nola Bellenger for referring Kath. You each receive a $50 Myer gift card. Happy shopping ladies!

A big thank you as well to all subscribers who referred a friend to Living the dream e-zine in 2010. It's been great to receive your referrals.

Learn EFT this Summer and Set Yourself Up for a Great 2011!

The Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) Special Interest Group (SIG) will be taking a short holiday break and resume monthly 'EFT Circles' in February 2011. These monthly meetings are designed for coaches, therapists and and anyone else interested in exploring EFT and it's many applications from supporting weight loss and reducing stress levels through to pain relief and increasing confidence and self-esteem.

If you'd like to learn this simple, proven technique over the holidays, take a look at the many options I have available at: www.blueskycoaching.com.au/energytapping.php

Feel free to contact me if you'd like to arrange a 1:1 session, available in person or by telephone on Thursdays and Fridays.

Direct Line: (08) 8338 3134

Mobile: 0411 471 941

Email: tania@blueskycoaching.com.au

Summer Coaching Competition

Summer Coaching Competition

Enter now atblueskycoaching.com.au/special.php for a chance to WIN two business, executive or life coaching sessions with me and a copy of Stephanie Dowrick's Intimacy & Solitude Self-Therapy Book, valued at over $300!

Winner drawn 28 February 2011.

There are times in all our lives when help from others is essential. But there are also times when it is uniquely beneficial to use and develop our own inner resources. Extending the richly rewarding approach of her international bestseller, Intimacy & Solitude, Stephanie Dowrick draws us into a particularly accessible and enjoyable way to enhance self-knowledge and skillfully increase our appreciation of others.

Whether you have an hour to spare each week, or just a rare 20 minutes, whether you are troubled most about how to be alone, or how to be with others, this invaluable book will immediately uplift your emotional and spiritual life, while awakening and deepening every aspect of your creativity.

Christmas Competition Winner: J Fazzalari

Next Month: 10 Ways to Strengthen Your Relationships

Next month we'll continue to look at relationships and ways to strengthen them, so they feel enriching and supportive.

Sponsors and Advertisements


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11 - 13 February, 2011

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Childbirth can be a challenging experience that involved physical pain and anxiety. How we use our minds to relate to that pain and anxiety can make a huge difference in the labour and delivery experience.

This workshop will be a time to look deeply at pain and fear in childbirth and to cultivate present moment awareness for meeting whatever chilbirth experience might unfold.

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This short course is an excellent complement to any childbirth preparation class and can be helpful for those who anticipate a birth experience which needs special medical attention  for those who have had a difficult previous birth experience.

Venue: The Birth Place, 308a Glen Osmond Road, Fullarton  SA

Date: Saturday 22 January 2011

Time: 9.30 am - 4.30 pm

Cost: $155 per couple or $90 per single

Call today for our introductory special.

$30 off course fee per couple or $15 off course fee per single if you register before 10 January 2011.

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Email: fiona@mindfulbirth.net.au

Mobile: 0412 613 600



Let food be your medicine, and your medicine be your food

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Enquiries telephone (08) 8271 7002 or 0412 839 917 or email thermomix@sharonneal.com.au  


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28 - 30 January 2011

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Full-Cost - $575

*Bring a friend and receive $50 cash-back

For more information or to book call (08) 8431 9536 or email brett@drbretthill.com



Embrace Your Feminine Energy

2011 Events - 2nd Wednesday of Each Month



Jan 12 - Thermomix - Holiday goodies for the kids - Sharon Neal

Feb 9 - Breastlogic - Sunset Lorentzon

Mar 9 - EYFE Astrological Chart for 2011 - Leonie Marks

Apr 13 - Intimo Essentials & Lingerie - Ruth Murphy

May 11 - Lotus Floating - Deanne Schmid

Jun 8 - Silent Auction - Mid-year Wenatex Bedding/Thermomix Dinner - Michael Ivory and Sharon Neal

EYFE members $15, non-members $20.

Annual EYFE Membership Investment $97.50.

Sharon Neal, specialist in body-energy medicine

Suite 1, 67 King William Road, Unley SA 5064

Phone: 08 8271 7002

Email:  eyfe@sharonneal.com.au 

Reading this ad? Then why not place yours here. Do you have a product, service, workshop or special offer that you'd like to let hundreds of entrepreneurs, SOHO business owners, busy professionals and business executives know about? To find out more about advertising in this e-zine and to reserve your spot for next month, e-mail Tania your details today at tania@blueskycoaching.com.au and include 'e-zine ad' in the subject line. As a subscriber to this e-zine, you can receive f.ree advertising, based on availability, if you submit your advertising copy to me by the 20th day of the month.

Advertising Disclaimer: Blue Sky Coaching does not endorse or represent the accuracy or reliability of any of the advertisements included above or the quality of goods, services or information obtained by you in connection with engaging the services of or purchasing goods from the above suppliers.

Copyright © 2010 Blue Sky Coaching. ABN 75 739 189 875.