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10 Ways to Forgive and Move Forward

Living the dream is published on the 27th of every month by Tania Basheer of Blue Sky Coaching.
by Tania Basheer, Publisher

10 Tips for Dealing with Difficult People

Vol 8, Issue 4
27 April 2012

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Quote of the month

'Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.' 

- Benjamin Franklin

Next month's feature:

10 Ways to Forgive and Move Forward

In this issue:


Welcome to Living the dream, Blue Sky Coaching's monthly e-zine, written for small business owners, young entrepreneurs and service industry professionals and filled with cutting edge success tips to help you skyrocket your income, enjoy more personal time and be known as a star in your field. 

If you enjoy receiving Living the dream e-zine, please pass it on to anyone else you think might like to receive it too. Every 50th subscriber will receive a $50 Myer gift card and so will you, if you were responsible for referring them.

You can read all previous issues of Living the dream e-zine any time at: www.blueskycoaching.com.au/ezine.

Hi! from Tania

Hi there,

Just as I was getting ready to say 'Ta-dah!' My home office is finally put together', I discovered that a cube storage unit I bought on-line is still 2-and-a-half weeks away from being delivered. Would you believe, after having a floor-to-ceiling 3-door built-in installed and de-cluttering my office, I still needed some more storage for my books? OK, I admit, I have a book-hoarding problem. So, feel free to ask me if you're ever looking for a book! Chances are, we'll find it in my office.

Whether you've had a tiring few weeks with kids at home, have a difficult boss who drives you crazy, or have recently encountered people who've exhibited random behaviour that you've found difficult to deal with (I know I have!), I hope this month's tips will serve to make you feel better equipped for next time.

Warm wishes,


Tania Basheer - Publisher
Living the dream e-zine

Feature: 10 Tips for Dealing with Difficult People

Keeping cool, calm and collected when dealing with difficult people is easier said than done. Next time you're dealing with a difficult person - your boss, a co-worker, family member (kids or mother-in-law issues anyone?), your spouse or even a stranger - here are 10 tips worth remembering, from author Kris Cole's Crystal Clear Communication:

  1. Figure out what they're after: People are difficult because they believe it gets them what they want. Some examples of what the difficult person might be after include respect, attention, to let off some steam, feel important, be understood or have a problem or complaint fixed. Sometimes, once they've achieved what they're after, the difficult behaviour stops. Sometimes, it escalates. Generally speaking, if the person is genuinely trying to communicate, give them what they want, for example, a customer with a genuine complaint, or a person who's angry for good reason. On the other hand, the difficult person might be a whinger, back-stabber, gossip, sarcastic person or a bully. In this case, we're probably better advised to remove the pay-off they want and provide a pay-off they don't like. In the case of a bully, for example, tell them 'John, stop shouting. Speak to me in a normal tone of voice.' If we do this often enough, the difficult behaviour will begin to diminish.
  2. Separate the emotions from the issues: As soon as you're faced with an angry or difficult person, erect an imaginary filter between you so you can strain out what you don't want - any hurtful emotion and personal attacks - and let in what you do want - facts and other useful information. Difficult and angry people often present their feelings as facts and confuse facts, fantasy and folklore. If someone says you've angered or offended them, 1. Ask 'What specifically did I say or do that has upset you?' 2. Listen carefully and let them 'get it all out.' 3. Tell them you appreciate their telling you. 4. Ask 'What can I do to make it right, right now?'
  3. Take a deep breath if you need to: Stress drains the brain of oxygen. This causes us to lose our mental balance, our concentration and control of our emotions. Our brain cells have a higher rate of metabolism than other parts of the body and need relatively more oxygen. This is why it's important to take a deep breath during times of stress. 
  4. Make sure your self-talk supports you: Don't put yourself down or let yourself be put down. Use positive self-talk to help you keep calm. 'I'll work through this.' 'I'll handle this calmly and well.'
  5. Let difficult people know you've heard them and understood their point: People often become difficult if they feel their message isn't getting through. To capture our attention, they might resort to strong language, shouting, exaggerating or getting 'in our face'. If we attend to them, really listen and show we're listening with our body language and our responses, people are less likely to become difficult in the first place. If they've already become difficult, they'll usually lower their voice and become more rational. We've noticed them and heard their point, so there's no longer a need to create a fuss.      
  6. Focus on a good outcome and be flexible in how you respond: Don't let your ego get in the way of dealing effectively with difficult people. Work towards a satisfactory outcome, not to get 'one up' on the difficult person.
  7. Although we can't change someone's personality, we can change an aspect of their behaviour: Work with the behaviour, not the person. See the difficult person's behaviour as a problem to be resolved, not a personality to be fixed. 
  8. Realise that what you say and how you say it can make all the difference: Always be courteous. This can be difficult if we disagree with what the person is saying or if they are saying it in a harsh or hurtful way. Bite your tongue if you have to!
  9. Don't take it personally. Realise the difficult person is communicating in the best way they know how: Most of us have a range of communication methods and behaviours. We use them because they work. If they don't, we might be flexible and try an alternative approach. The habitually difficult person's range of communication methods and behaviours is more limited than most people's. They're probably just doing what they've always done and don't know any other ways to get what they want.
  10. Don't let the difficult person get to you or give them the power to make you feel bad, upset or angry: Don't lose sleep over chronically difficult people. Some people are just plain difficult and there's nothing we can do about it. When faced with a persistently difficult person it helps to remember: some people bring joy wherever they go, others bring joy whenever they go.

Read more tips:  10 Tips for Successful Conflict Resolution; 10 Ways to Strengthen Your Relationships; 10 Negotiation Tips to Help You Get What You Want; 10 Relationship Skills for the Almost Perfect Marriage; 10 Ways to Enjoy Your Relationships; 10 Tips for Being a Great Leader; 10 Tips for Talking and Listening to Each Other; 10 Ways to Increase Your Confidence; 10 Ways to Raise Your Self-Esteem; 10 Tips for Better Communication.  

For more business and life coaching tips to help you achieve your goals and create and live the life you've always wanted, visit: www.blueskycoaching.com.au/ezine/index.php. To find out more about how you can work with me personally, visit: www.blueskycoaching.com.au, or call me on 0411 471 941 or (08) 8338 3134 or e-mail me on tania@blueskycoaching.com.au.


Do you Deal with Difficult People? EFT Can Help

Are you experiencing communication challenges at work or at home? Are you going through difficulties in a relationship, a marriage breakdown or break-up with a partner? Are your children driving you nuts?

If so, consider EFT. It's a really powerful tool to help deal with any challenging situations and emotions that can arise, allowing you to handle whatever you need to, from a more stable, stronger and clearer position.  

Visit my EFT website now for details about how you can learn EFT quickly and easily anywhere, anytime (no matter where you might be in the world) and start making positive changes and enjoying life.

Or, if you prefer, please call me on 0411 471 941 to discuss your needs. I am available for personal 1:1 consultations (at Myrtle Bank or by phone) on Thursdays and Fridays between 10 am and 5 pm. 

* New * 30-Minute Telephone Laser-Coaching Sessions

Need an immediate boost or intervention? A quick laser-coaching session can help!

Sometimes all we need is a new way of thinking, a new way of seeing something or a little support and encouragement to do that difficult thing or have that challenging conversation.

Coaching can help you move past obstacles, create clarity and insight, and provide structure for making good decisions and getting things done with positive flow-on effects, so you can immediately feel happy that you're moving forward in the direction you want to go.

Whether your situation is a business or personal one, we can address it in a 30-minute telephone laser-coaching session. We'll quickly get to the heart of the matter, gain a fresh perspective on the situation and clarity about your desired outcome and create some powerful action steps to help you move forward to achieve the results you want.

I'm available on Mondays, Thursdays and Fridays, between 9.30 am - 5.30 pm ACST.

Just e-mail me on tania@blueskycoaching.com.au with 'Laser- coaching please' in the subject header and briefly tell me what you want to work on and your best contact number(s) and time(s) to talk.

I'll reply ASAP and we'll set up a time for our call. Same day sessions possible!

For a short time only, priced at $99 for business coaching and $79 for personal life coaching.

Autumn Coaching Competition - Enter Now!

Autumn Coaching Competition - Enter Now!

Enter now for your chance to WIN 2 business coaching sessions with me, plus a copy of Jim Collin's book Good to Great - why some companies make the leap and others don't.

Prize valued at over $400! 

In his book, Collins uncovers the underlying variables that enable any type of organisation to make the leap from good to great. Rigorously supported by evidence, his findings are surprising - at times even shocking - to the modern mind.

Summer Competition Winner: A.Jantzen

Next Month: 10 Ways to Forgive and Move Forward

Are you holding on to past anger, fear and hurts, or incompletions? Releasing these anchors that weigh us down can often be the final step to release the past and embrace the future.

Next month we'll look at 10 ways to forgive and move on.

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Reading this ad? Then why not place yours here. Do you have a product, service, workshop or special offer that you'd like to let hundreds of entrepreneurs, SOHO business owners, busy professionals and business executives know about? To find out more about advertising in this e-zine and to reserve your spot for next month, e-mail Tania your details today at tania@blueskycoaching.com.au and include 'e-zine ad' in the subject line. As a subscriber to this e-zine, you can receive f.ree advertising, based on availability, if you submit your advertising copy to me by the 20th day of the month.

Advertising Disclaimer: Blue Sky Coaching does not endorse or represent the accuracy or reliability of any of the advertisements included above or the quality of goods, services or information obtained by you in connection with engaging the services of or purchasing goods from the above suppliers.

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