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Living the dream is published on the 27th of every month by Tania Basheer of Blue Sky Coaching.
by Tania Basheer, Publisher

10 Ways to Forgive and Move Forward

Vol 8, Issue 5
27 May 2012

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Quote of the month

'To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover later that the prisoner was you.' 

- Lewis B. Smedes

Next month's feature:

10 Ways to Make Better Decisions

In this issue:


Welcome to Living the dream, Blue Sky Coaching's monthly e-zine, written for small business owners, young entrepreneurs and service industry professionals and filled with cutting edge success tips to help you skyrocket your income, enjoy more personal time and be known as a star in your field. 

If you enjoy receiving Living the dream e-zine, please pass it on to anyone else you think might like to receive it too. Every 50th subscriber will receive a $50 Myer gift card and so will you, if you were responsible for referring them.

You can read all previous issues of Living the dream e-zine any time at: www.blueskycoaching.com.au/ezine.

Hi! from Tania

Hi there,

At last, my home office is ready for client visits and I love it! I've included a picture of my new lounge area so you can see it for yourself. It's been great timing too, now that the cold weather and rain has arrived. I'm planning just one more change - a working fireplace to keep me warm in winter when I'm sitting at my computer. 

Speaking of computers, I thought I'd also share the details one of my treasured Mothers Day gifts. This year Jake, who's now five, made me a beautiful plaque. It makes me smile whenever I see it, so I keep it on my office mantelpiece. It says, 'Mummy is as fun as a computer, as nice as a mouse, as cuddly as a dog and as strong as a shark.' Holly, three, also made me a lovely gift - a macaroni necklace - but she refuses to hand it over because, she says, 'It's Holly's!'

Warm wishes,


Tania Basheer - Publisher
Living the dream e-zine

Feature: 10 Ways to Forgive and Move Forward

The theme of forgiveness is a big one that often shows up in the deeper conversations I have with my clients. Sometimes it's about forgiving another person, but more often than not, it's about forgiving yourself. 

If you're finding something difficult to forgive and move on from, I hope one of the following ideas or techniques will help you:

  1. 'Don't take anything personally' and 'Always do your best': This profound wisdom comes from a wonderful book by Don Miguel Ruiz and his son Don Jose Ruiz called The Fifth Agreement. The essence of these two 'agreements' is, firstly, to know that nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering. Secondly, under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgement, self-abuse, and regret. 
  2. Write it out, then tear it up, or burn what you've written, but don't keep it: When we bury or  suppress our emotions they can show up as physical ailments to be dealt with. The simple act of writing out all of what is upsetting you will allow expression and release of these emotions. Keep writing until there's nothing left to say. You can also do this as a letter addressed to another person, or simply freely write about whatever is causing you pain. Then release yourself from this situation by ripping up the pages or burning them. Don't keep them! It's said that the act of burning the pages will clear any bad karma that exists between yourself and the other person. 
  3. The 'Total Truth Process': The goal of this process, described by Jack Canfield in his book, The Success Principles, is to begin by expressing your anger and then move through six stages, to the final stage of love, compassion and forgiveness. He says, 'the reason I call it the total truth is that often, when we're upset, we fail to communicate all our true feelings to the person we're upset with. We get stuck at the level of anger or pain and rarely move past it to emotional completion. As a result, it can be difficult to feel close to - or even at ease with - the other person after such an angry or painful confrontation.' For the process to be effective, you need to spend an equal amount of time expressing your feelings in each of these stages: 1. Anger and resentment. I'm angry that ... I hate that ... I'm fed up with ... I resent ... 2. Hurt. It hurt me when ... I felt sad when ... I feel hurt that ... I feel disappointed about ... 3. Fear. I was afraid that ... I feel scared when ... I get afraid of you when ... I'm afraid that I ... 4. Remorse, regret, and accountability. I'm sorry that ... Please forgive me for ... I'm sorry for ... I didn't mean to ... 5. Wants. All I ever want(ed) ... I want you to ... I want(ed) ... I deserve ... 6. Love, compassion, forgiveness, and appreciation. I understand that ... I appreciate ... I love you for ... I forgive you for ... Thank you for ... 
  4. Energy tapping (or EFT): This healing technique is easy to learn and can be used to facilitate forgiveness of small matters in just minutes, or a more significant issue with a few rounds of 'tapping.' For seasoned users of EFT, a reminder that the tip of the index fingernail point will help with 'letting go' and the little fingernail point is an important point in alleviating anger and allowing forgiveness. I've also recently started using Young Living Essential Oils (see point 5 below) as part of my EFT sessions for magnified results. If you'd like to know more about energy tapping, visit my EFT website: energytappingworkshop.com where you can see my EFT video preview, download my EFT Special Report or find out more about my various EFT DVD packages. Each month one lucky person also wins an EFT DVD package in my EFT competition.    
  5. Essential oils: Our cells and muscles hold memory of our experiences and try to protect us from being hurt in the future by shutting down and making us unavailable. This serves to keep us safe on one level, yet imprisons us to live within a vicious cycle of repeating the same patterns like a broken record, until we are brave enough or over it enough to be willing to go near the pain and let it go. Young Living Essential Oils offer a range of essential oil blends to support us through all of life's challenges. 'Forgiveness' enhances your ability to forgive yourself and others while letting go of negative emotions; 'Release' facilitates the ability to let go of anger and frustration. This blend also promotes harmony and balance; while 'Present Time' helps you focus on the here and now so you can move beyond the past and progress forward.
  6. Loving kindness meditation: Linda Sparrowe, co-leads yoga and meditation retreats for women with cancer in Colorado and Massachusetts. She suggests reciting the following short prayer to ease your heart. Sit in a comfortable position. Set the intention to practise this meditation without judgement and with a healthy dose of affection for yourself. Inhaling and exhaling through your heart, visualise a time when you were really happy and experience that feeling now. Recite, silently, the following statements: 'May I be filled with loving kindness; May I be peaceful; May I be healthy; May I be happy.' Repeat the prayer over and over again for several minutes, feeling as though you are swaddled in loving kindness. When you feel ready, substitute the name of person you wish to forgive for the word 'I'. Set the intention to wrap this person in the love you now hold in your heart. Don't worry if this seems impossible at first. Be patient and, ever so gradually, you'll begin to feel a shift.
  7. A variation of the traditional Tibetan Buddhist shamatha meditation: Susan Piver, author of The Wisdom of a Broken Heart agrees that meditation provides a direct route to forgiveness of all kinds, however, she acknowledges that when you're angry, it's not that easy to sit and let your thoughts bubble to the surface and then dissipate. In this case she suggest an alternate approach - notice your feelings. First, get really clear on what your story is - exactly why you feel what you feel - so that it will help you conceptualise what happened. And then drop it. 'Re-telling the story', Piver says, 'is a way of justifying your feelings rather than forgiving.' Piver recommends a variation of the traditional Tibetan Buddhist shamatha meditation, in which you sit, eyes partially opened, and observe the breath. When a feeling rages to the forefront of your mind, label it as a 'sensation,' and notice where it shows up in your body. As you experience anger or sadness, for example, does your jaw suddenly tighten or your chest feel like it's caving in? 'Put your attention on the sensation', Piver says 'and begin to soften and release those muscles where you experience the sensation. Don't focus on the story, but, when the story does come up, simply pause, let it go on an exhale, and return to the part of your body where the sensation lives. If you feel your lower back muscles clench, notice the tightness and breathe there for a while, unwinding the tightness with gentle exhalations.'
  8. Empty your mind: I've found Wayne Dyer's 'empty mind' approach discussed in his book, There's a Spiritual Solution to Every Problem, works well to enable forgiveness, especially when coupled with walking in nature. He suggests being quiet and letting go of any ideas you might have about exactly how something should be resolved. In this space, listen and allow yourself to have complete faith that you will be guided in the direction of resolution. Empty your mind of your agenda and be open to what will inevitably come to you. He says completely emptying the mind of our agenda leads to forgiveness because it means ridding ourselves of all blame and angry thoughts about what has transpired in the past. 'Empty' means there is no room for hanging on to who did what and when, and how wrong they were. We let it go simply because it is a component of our agenda. When we empty our mind of our ego-driven thoughts, we invite forgiveness into our hearts. By letting go of the lower energies of hatred, shame, and revenge, we create a mind-set of problem resolution.
  9. Shakti Gawain's forgiveness and release visualisation: Shakti Gawain describes the following visualisation clearing process in her book Creative Visualization: Write down on a piece of paper the names of everyone in your life whom you feel has ever mistreated you, harmed you, done you an injustice, or toward whom you feel or have felt resentment, hurt or anger. Next to each person's name write down what they did to you, or what you resent them for. Then close your eyes, relax and, one by one, visualise or imagine each person. Hold a little conversation with each one, and explain to him or her that in the past you have felt anger or hurt toward them, but that now you are going to do your best to forgive them for everything, and to dissolve and release all constricted energy between you. Give them a blessing and say: 'I forgive you and release you. Go your own way and be happy.' When you have finished this process write on your paper: 'I now forgive you and release you all' and throw it away, as a symbol that you are letting go of these past experiences. 
  10. Louise Hay's forgiveness exercise: Do this exercise with a partner if you can, or do it out loud if you are alone. Sit quietly with your eyes closed and say, 'The person I need to forgive is (insert name) and I forgive you for ...' Do this over and over. You will have many things to forgive some for and only one or two to forgive others for. If you have a partner, let him say to you, 'Thank you, I set you free now.' If you don't, then imagine the person you are forgiving saying it to you. Do this for at least five or ten minutes. Search your heart for the injustices you still carry. Then let them go. When you have cleared as much as you can for now, turn your attention to yourself. Say out loud to yourself, 'I forgive myself for ....' Do this for another five minutes or so. These are powerful exercises and good to do at least once a week. Some experiences are easy to let go and some we have to chip away at, until suddenly, one day, they let go and dissolve.

Please call me on 0411 471 941 to arrange a personal 60-minute energy tapping (EFT) session time with me if you're finding it difficult to forgive and move on, or, if you have anything else you know you need to let go of. I'm now also making Young Living Essential Oils available in my sessions, so mention 'essential oils' when you book, and I'll give you a f.ree 2 ml bottle of an essential oil or oil blend to take home with you, to continue to support you after our session. 

Read more tips: 10 Tips for Dealing with Difficult People; 10 Ways to Deal with Set-Backs;10 Tips for Successful Conflict Resolution; 10 Ways to Strengthen Your Relationships; 10 Relationship Skills for the Almost Perfect Marriage; 10 Tips for Talking and Listening to Each Other; 10 Tips for Transformational Journal Wrtiting; 10 Ways to Raise Your Self-Esteem; 10 Tips for Better Communication.

For more business and life coaching tips to help you achieve your goals and create and live the life you've always wanted, visit: www.blueskycoaching.com.au/ezine/index.php. To find out more about how you can work with me personally, visit: www.blueskycoaching.com.au, or call me on 0411 471 941 or (08) 8338 3134 or e-mail me on tania@blueskycoaching.com.au.


Easily Dissolve Anger and Allow Forgiveness with EFT

Have you been angry or frustrated about something for days, weeks, maybe even years?

You might be amazed to learn that dissolving anger or frustration and allowing forgiveness, both of yourself and others, can happen very quickly (as one of my clients discovered in her EFT session with me last week) with energy tapping (also known as EFT).

Visit my EFT website now for details about how you can learn EFT quickly and easily anywhere, anytime (no matter where you might be in the world) to set yourself free of whatever might be holding you back or keeping you stuck in your life.

Or, if you prefer, please call me on 0411 471 941 to arrange a 1:1 EFT session with me (at Myrtle Bank, or by phone).

Would You Like to Take Off for Three Months and Work One Day a Week?

Last week I received a wonderful email from one of my clients, Mark. He started out in business alone several years ago, working as an IT consultant and renting premises. He's now expanded his business, Crackerjack Computing, owns his business premises, and, at last count, has four great employees.  

Here's a snippet of his e-mail:

'Hi Tania,

Thought I would give you a quick update as I was reminded of you yesterday. Someone said to me 'You are living the dream' and I thought, 'That's Tania's catchcry', I must get in touch.

I now have two full-time employees, Chris and Wayne, contracted to one of my largest clients as full-time IT staff and I still have Toby and Jason, my technical consultants, looking after my other small business clients.

The last bit of news is that I am about to head off at the end of this month for a three-month working holiday half way around Australia in a caravan with Fi and the kids. I will be working one day a week to keep the wheels moving. Never a dull moment hey? I was mentioning the trip to one of my client's staff members yesterday and she proceeded to say 'You are living the dream, Mark.'

I hope all is well with you, Rick, Holly and Jake. Thanks again for your advice and support.'

Get inspired and follow Mark's family adventure on his blog site.

And Mark isn't my only client travelling around the countryside. Another dear client of mine, Rachel, and he partner, have taken the whole year off work (nice), rented out their home, and are travelling around Australia at their leisure. I wonder where they are today?

If you'd like to know how Mark was able to set up his business in a way that enables him to take off and enjoy a travel adventure for three months with his family, working just one day a week, give me a call on 0411 471 941. We can set up a time for a 10-minute chat to determine how you might be able to do this too!

Autumn Coaching Competition - Drawn 31 May!

Autumn Coaching Competition - Enter Now!

Enter now for your chance to WIN two business coaching sessions with me, plus a copy of Jim Collin's book Good to Great - why some companies make the leap and others don't.

Prize valued at over $400! 

In his book, Collins uncovers the underlying variables that enable any type of organisation to make the leap from good to great. Rigorously supported by evidence, his findings are surprising - at times even shocking - to the modern mind.

Summer Competition Winner: A. Jantzen

Next Month: 10 Ways to Make Better Decisions

Decisions, decisions. Sometimes they're no-brainers! Other times, however, there can be so many possibilities to choose from, it's difficult to know which way to go.

To help with these trickier situations, next month we'll look at 10 ways to make better decisions.

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Healthy Mind, Healthy Body, Happy Child

Child & Family Health Seminar

1 June 2012, 10 am - 2 pm


Being healthy is simple. We invite you to learn the fundamental health principles ... 

Health has become too complex. Many issues today are related to toxicity, nutritional deficiency and stress - things we can control. Understand how these issues can impact on your family's wellbeing and learn how we can create a healthy home environment.

Presented by Eris Watkins, an inspirational woman with a wealth of knowledge on health, who is one of the most respected natural therapists in Australia. She is the mother of six sons and will be sharing her personal experiences of how she and her family have eliminated various health issues naturally. Eris is passionate about educating families to make informed choices and empowering them to also achieve optimal health and wellbeing, as she has done. 

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Includes a delicious 'green smoothie' demonstration and tasting.

Date: 1 June 2012

Time: 10 am - 2 pm

Venue: Partridge House, 38 Partridge Street, Glenelg SA

RSVP: Louise 0405 925 436

Gold coin donation for room hire. 


Reading this ad? Then why not place yours here. Do you have a product, service, workshop or special offer that you'd like to let hundreds of entrepreneurs, SOHO business owners, busy professionals and business executives know about? To find out more about advertising in this e-zine and to reserve your spot for next month, e-mail Tania your details today at tania@blueskycoaching.com.au and include 'e-zine ad' in the subject line. As a subscriber to this e-zine, you can receive f.ree advertising, based on availability, if you submit your advertising copy to me by the 20th day of the month.

Advertising Disclaimer: Blue Sky Coaching does not endorse or represent the accuracy or reliability of any of the advertisements included above or the quality of goods, services or information obtained by you in connection with engaging the services of or purchasing goods from the above suppliers.

Copyright © 2012, Blue Sky Coaching. ABN 75 739 189 875.