10 Ways to be in a Conscious Relationship

One of the things my partner Ashley and I agreed to –and this was something that was very important to him when we started dating – was that we would have a 'conscious' relationship.

So what does having a conscious relationship mean?

It's one in which both partners are willing to go in deeper and commit to their personal growth, both individually and as a couple, and make that desire the priorty from the beginning. It's exciting, because coming together in this way means you enter into a journey of expansion which is greater than anything that you can achieve on your own.

We're now been together for just over a year and I think we've both grown and expanded in ways we didn't even know were possible.

Here are 10 ways to move into a conscious relationship and become more open and able to giving and receiving love fully:

  1. Practice self-respect: We can do this by not settling, and not putting our desire for a relationship above listening to our own heart, body, mind and spirit, and honouring any messages we receive. When we respect ourselves, we attract a person who respects us too. We also make better choices about who we attract into our lives.

  2. Be authentic: Always come from a place that reflects your desires, needs and values. Make total authenticity a priority to keep all interactions honest and to allow your partner to discover your true self.

  3. Have a desire for expansion: Learn to be deeply curious about yourself – who you are, how you behave and how you imnteract. Taking ourselves outside of our emotional, mental and physical comfort zones ensures we're always evolving. When we have a strong desire to grow, we learn more from our experiences and can gain a deeper meaning from them.

  4. Practice self-love: Treating ourselves with the same loving kindness we would show a baby or pet can dramatically transform a relationship. Practicing self-love means accepting ourselves deeply and completely. It means instead of accepting just any relationship, we hold out for someone we feel is worthy of all we have to offer. To receive healthy, true and lasting love we firstly need to give it to ourselves. Remind yourself daily that you are divinely deserving and worthy of being loved.

  5. Set out to feel good as often as you can: When we commit to seeking out those things that make us feel good and happy, we slowly weed out the people and behaviours that drag us down. If it doesn't make us feel good or happy, it's time we stop participating in it. Being in a relationship should add to our happiness, and our joy should be shared with our partner.

  6. Be heard: Your voice is how you share your points of view, beliefs, values and your power to stand up for yourself when necessary. A relationship should allow us to feel secure and confident when we express our voice.

  7. Detach from the outcome of the relationship: This doesn't mean you don't care whether or not the relationship turns out, but that you're more committed to the experience of growth it can provide – emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. When we stop growing, we are no longer fulfilling our soul's purpose. Even though growth beyond our comfort zones can feel scary, it's also the secret to keeping the relationship alive.

  8. Own your own s#it: Conscious couples understand that each partner will have old wounds that might flare up from time to time. For example, they might feel abandoned, rejected or even trapped because of our actions – or more likely, their thoughts about our actions. This commonly occurs when we become closely bonded with a partner. Many people still believe their relationship should be easy and feel good all the time and, if this isn't the case, the something is wrong. However, these uneasy feelings aren't caused by our partner, they usually arise because of our past programming and what we're believing in that moment to be true. In a conscious relationship, the couple is willing to look at and address their issues and evolve together. This helps to dissolve that past programming.

  9. Make ALL feelings welcome within the relationship: That includes the uncomfortable ones. By feeling and expressing all that's going on inside of us in our relationships we can be totally free to be who we are without judgement. As you might imagine, this isn't always an easy thing to do. In fact, listening to your partner express their true feelings or fantasies can be triggering. It can also be difficult to hear them, in turn, for us to reveal certain parts of ourselves. But sharing can be very healing. It leads us to feel truly known and understood and, ultimately, that can deepen love.

  10. Be loving: See all that happens through the eyes of love. Ask yourself, 'What would love do here?' and respond in a loving way. You can do this by being accepting, present and forgiving and willing to show up for your partner and support them in ways that might be new, feel uncomfortable or make you feel vulnerable. This devotion to love can lead to a couple growing in their relationship in ways they hadn't even imagined.

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